In case a previous post didn’t tip you off? I’m an Alice in Wonderland fan. I saw the Disney Movie when I was a little girl and have kept a copy of it ever since. Alice Through the Looking Glass, MirrorMask, all versions of the same stories and themes. In a way, I related to her. Her love of the surreal and nonsensical was something that called to me even before I knew what the “surreal” actually was.
Of course once she got to the world she dreamed up in her own mind, she found it wasn’t nearly as wonderful as she would have hoped. In fact, the constant inability to rely on her own senses and sensibility often drove her to tears.
But at least she’s a cute crier.
That’s the thing about trained responses. The mind is used to behaving in a certain manner to certain stimuli be they boring history lessons by the riverbank, shisha smoking caterpillars, or bumps caused by Mercury Retrograde during a challenging Neptune-squared Mars.
I had a feeling something was wonky when a seemingly smooth sail toward this new week suddenly turned into me losing my debit card within hours of depositing money into my bank account, my apartment “remembering” that I needed to pay an extra $300 for a pet deposit on top of needing to move my lease signing date from this coming Tuesday to Friday.
My first reaction? Panic followed by the paranoia that follows a seeming loss of control. After so many other bumps on this road to freedom and radical self-care, I felt I couldn’t handle another surprise. For some reason, in that moment I realized this was my trained response. This was how I always handled situations that popped up out of the not-so-clear blue sky. So I checked my astral weather;
-54 Square Neptune – Mars
Challenging aspect: You may be prone to fear or an overworked imagination during this rather long-term transit that can last for some months. There is a lot of drama with this position. You could lose control of your actions because you have difficulty in controlling yourself, and in thinking things through.
This may be a difficult period. You should stay close to those people who in normal times reassure you. In this way, you will have confidence in them and, during this transit, they will protect you, reason with you, and calm you down.
Although your focus may be compromised and physical energy scattered, there is a strong potential for you to improve your intuition and magnetic powers. You may be in the right place at the right time. The effects of this transit will have much to do with the condition of Mars in your chart. You may, for example, be inclined to take shortcuts or to not know where you are headed exactly, and attract negative influences as a result. You may feel uninspired or lazy due to lack of motivation or a feeling of being without a direction in life. You may have a hard time drumming up the confidence to move forward. On the other hand, you can be extremely inspired if your personality is extroverted, and/or if you work with Neptune instead of against it. Neptune is urging you to become more refined with regards to your desire nature, anger management, and assertive tendencies. Incorporating more imagination, compassion, and spirituality into these parts of your personality will help you to not only “manage” the transit, but to learn from it.
Well there we go then. And there’s something about knowing the energies surrounding my little sphere of the universe that makes things seem a whole lot better. Even though I can’t control what happens in the future and can only be present in the moment there is something to be gained even from the craziest of random adversities. The freak outs are wholly unnecessary especially since I have amazing people by my side. A loving primary partner, an amazingly patient and doting adoptive mother, and good friends all over the world.
When I reflect on these things, the trained response is revealed to be what it actually is: a self-inflicted lie.
How most of my freak outs tend to end.
Learning new behaviors is part of this transition I’m going through. Letting go of fear of uncertainty, something I gained sitting in civilization and weaving , will be one of many steps I take to reclaiming my role as Maenad and shifting into my roles as light bearer, independent scholar, and occultist.
To work magic means to believe in your ability to alter reality with the will, the aid of spirits, and the blessings of the gods and irrational fear doesn’t fit into that schema anywhere. The role of the mage revolves around tramping around the fields of the unknown in more than theory.
The Maenad rushes into the mountains with little regard for what bumps in the night.
The light bearer stands in front of the pitch black mass of space time and brightens the shadows with the search for vibrant truth.
In the end, Alice stops trying to make Wonderland play by her rules and instead breaks the game using its own paradigm of nonsense. Bumps, bruises, and knaves be damned.
And now…it’s time to get dressed for tea.