I, usually, shy away from sharing UPG in many places. I have my blog here and a space on Tumblr where I speak about more off the wall pursuits and revelations, but I tend to keep the personal shit to a minimum lest I scare the customers; the customers being those crazy enough to read the ramblings that pass for “posts” round these parts.
The last 2 months have been a dizzying experience in religious expression and growth for me, not only in my relationship with Dionysus (which has taken on a completely different turn and tone than I’ve experienced before) but also with a new deity/entity who made himself quite known for awhile before finally deciding that he had had enough of my pussy-footing around thank you very much.
Lumiel. Phosphorous. Lucifer. So many names and all of them seemed to represent some different aspect I was meant to research and read into. What started as brief bits of research here and there became compulsion. Until there were a couple of days where it seemed as if some form of negotiation was occuring between two, particularly, high maintenance (I say that lovingly *nervous laughter*) entities with regard to just what I could and could not do; with Dionysus laying out the ground rules; take it or leave it.
It was either on his terms or I say no. Period. End of discussion.
In the end, while I serve Dionysus whole heartedly and with the full passion he deserves, I’ve been given the go ahead to work with The Light Bringer and Morningstar, provided I mind my P’s and Q’s. Folks, I don’t even want to discuss the amount of snark that may or may not have passed between the two. Let’s just say there were instances where, a lesser person, would have said “Dayuuuum, you gonna let him get away with that!?” while shoving another handful of popcorn into their mouths.
What all this means is that I have to actually start getting comfortable with my UPG and stop being, not ashamed, but almost skeptical of my experiences because I’ve had my fair share and as I’ve begun to really sink into my religious/spiritual/occult roles they’ve begun to pick up and take on a very persistant place in my life.
And it’s scary because tripping into the unknown is something I am loathe to do at 28 years old gosh-darn it! It’s isolating at times to experience connections that one cannot readily share over lunch with coworkers or even other pagans/polytheists. You can’t necessarily talk about how “charming” Lucifer can be until you’re working with him and then come periods where he’s like that guy who gave you a really good dicking and then only calls you when it’s convenient for him.
Yeah, I said that shit.
Luckily in some, rare, circles it’s perfectly acceptable to discuss your interactions with those who chose to interact with you on a level beyond just giving offerings and walking away. Which is where I had been for awhile. It’s safer and easier that way; especially after years of tumultuous and down-right white knuckle at times service.
So I’m back to square 1 with Numero Dos and coming around full circle, in a different capacity with Numero Uno.
And getting snuggly with my UPG seems to be the first step in keeping either of them happy.
I’d say FML, but I think they’d take that shit seriously and I don’t go courtin’ no trouble .